Monday, October 3, 2016

On Being Content

I'm an ambitious person.  I typically have a special project I'm working on or our towards outside of my wifely (pastor's wife, at that), motherly, friendship and piano teaching duties.  When my husband and I first became engaged, we agreed that I would stay at home to raise our children (when they came around) for a season, with the understanding that I would keep a part-time job.  "Also, you need to know that I will always have side projects.  Otherwise, I'll go crazy, " I said to him.

Why yes, oldest daughter, some days
I feel like this, too.
Presently, I find myself living the life we envisioned years ago.  The life that I dreamed of, then.  Our four-year old son attends school, and our two and a half year old and three month old girls stay home with me.  Just last night, I was conversing with a dear friend over the phone, venting about the monotony of my day-to-day schedule.  "You are an incredible mother," she shared, "incredible."  "Thank you," I responded.  Truthfully, she could have shared, "the sun comes up each day," and it would have had the same effect.  "Is it enough?" I have often wondered.

This year has been marred by unexpected events and death.  I feel like I am constantly running to catch up with basic, daily responsibilities, barely keeping things afloat.  I go back and forth between wanting more and craving less.  Rejection from writing contests and speaking events has become the norm.  My current figurative state, sitting by a window and waiting for the next big thing.  And feeling like I will internally combust if someone asks anything more of me, yelling, "What more do you want from me?!  I have nothing left to give."

I am certain that had I been born male, my name would have been Jacob.  In the Old Testament of the Bible, Jacob was the man that wrestled with the Lord.  Literally.  I am constantly wrestling with the Lord, trying to discern what He has for me next.  In the midst of what has been a challenging year, He has shown Himself faithful and answered so many prayers.  Still, I find myself asking Him why, how and when.  Quiet, reflective moments are hard to come by.  When I do have them, I feel Him whispering the same thing, "My child, this is what I have for you.  This is what I've called you to—you're already doing it."  

"But, God," I often interrupt, "what else?"  

And so it is with us, right now.  Me, frantically looking around at all these other things I could be doing, and the Lord, gently and constantly reminding me that I am doing what is best for now.

"I have learned to be content in any circumstance.  I have experienced times of need and times of abundance.  In any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of contentment, whether I go satisfied or hungry, have plenty or nothing.  I am able to do all things through the one who strengthens me." -Philippians 4:11-13 



8 comments:

  1. You're such a beautiful soul, G! I needed this today - thank you :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for your affirmation, sweet Anne. I love it when the Lord does that! 😉

      Delete
  2. The Lord is so loving and giving. For those of us who ask "what next?" "Will I ever...?" For me, I have learned to listen with my heart. In my own personal experience, HIS answer has often been, "Not, yet." It consoles my anxious soul and comforts me to know, His answer is not "NO," but "Not yet." Giana, keep doing what you are doing. Try not to be too hard on yourself! Lots of love!Keep dreaming, keep writing, keep loving!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Sonya! The "not yet" can be so hard! But, it refines our patience and makes us happy when things do happen...

      Delete
  3. This is a such a special season in your life. I know it seems to endless but it's not. It's like a long hot Brownsville summer!! Probably that is a terrible analogy but one we can relate to. For what it's worth, I am amazed you are able to juggle all the daily responsibilities, activities and challenges of a mother with three small children, along with piano teaching, blogging, gardening, shopping, cooking and seeing to the all the other household needs. (I won't even allow myself to think of many others that are popping into my head!) This is "life" for right now and you are doing a amazing job! Trust me, there will be other seasons!! Love and prayers!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I always appreciate your wisdom, Mrs. Sullivan, and you are absolutely right! Praying that we are all out of the long, hot summer here (literally)! 😅

      Delete

  4. Ankara'nın en iyi broşür dağıtım şirketi olan
    ankara broşür dağıtım hizmette
    sinir tanimiyor...

    ReplyDelete